Facing Reality and a Few Other things

What up, everyone?!? I’m back with a new installment of my rantings and musings that is Edna’s rantings and musings.I must say for the record, I love having an alter ego, but…nothing. I like having it. I really having nothing more to say about that.

From the title of this blog/article/rant whatever you want to call it, It’s going to be an intense one. Serious, though…I don’t think I’ve ever put out a lighthearted one. I’m so sorry for those that follow, businessing is not easy and it’s always something. Every up comes with like 3 downs. It is so true when people say nothing is an overnight success. Overnight successes are like 5 years of overnights. We cannot take people’s highlight reels as real life! It’s all semi-lies!!! No one’s life is that amazing except Shay Mitchell. She is like the closest to living a highlight reel for real. Love you, Shay!! Like my clothes, please. Vancouverites stick together? I’m kidding! Sort of. Not really. Please like me.

It’s taking me a minute and I still get caught up in it. Everyone has their issues like me. But that is shit they don’t advertise. I still have my moments of where I forget that everyone’s lives aren’t perfect. But it sucks, ya know? Seeing everyone’s highlight reel, you don’t see the dark side of it all. You don’t see the reality of it all and you get caught up in it. You start to question your abilities. You start to doubt your talent. You start to doubt your business. You start to doubt yourself entirely. I’m sure this qualifies as Impostor Syndrome, but how you can not feel this when majority of us live a comparative life and the good is all most people show.
Now, having said that, I’m the worst person for it. On my Instagram stories, you will only find a highlight reel. Why? Because when I am down I do not want to share; I need a quiet, cold room to think out what is happening. I need to run worst case scenarios in my head until I am desensitized to it. It probably isn’t healthy, but this works for me.
However, if you take a minute and read the captions on my Instagram posts, I get real, for real.

Earlier this year, I had huge sale. Like HUGE! Thanks for the support if you were there. I appreciate every little bit of it. And the sale went phenomenally. Like better than I predicted, but along with that came the feeling of inadequacy. A successful person and inadequacy, crazy talk! But hear me out, hear me out. I got caught in that thought spiral that in order for me to grow a following I needed to have a sale. My product, my talent was only worth buying if it was on sale not at retail. It left me feeling like my product wasn’t worth investing in and in extension…investing in me because my brand is who I am.

This made me sit back for a second and just think. What am I trying to do? Why am I doing this? What’s my purpose, again? And I had to remind myself why I started and what does my brand to me. Is this what I wanted?? Do I do this just for the money and being my own boss is there more to it?

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I love the money part and the be your own boss part. I don’t have to interact with people who think they know and have an opinion of something they’ve never done in their life.

(Side note: Biggest pet peeve and it really came to light at my current job. People who tell you how something is supposed to be done or how long it should take you IN THEORY. Bitch, I know you’ve gone to school for this shit or you held a similar position in your previous fancy management job. But if you’ve, never done the job, the actual labour part, you have no right to make comments about my speed or ability. I truly feel like if you are going to be management, you have to do the jobs you are to be in charge of supervising. There are far too many people who look great on paper, but have no clue up from down when it comes to the day to day of doing a job. Nod to my OMT family that get who this is about. And I know this isn’t just in my company, but in majority of cooperate jobs. You know what, fuck it, let’s start it #fuckentitlementdothejobfirstthenhaveanopinion Too long? My Blog, My hashtags haha)

So, moving right along lol. But like I was saying, I don’t mind the money or the boss part, which is a lot harder than you think. Discipline is a bitch. However, I feel like in the short time of being live with Edna, I had already lost why I started. I had already lost my purpose. I felt like I had just started doing it to make money, to get ahead in all the wrong ways, just to be popular.
I had lost who I was in the process of succeeding. So, I did what anyone does when they have an epiphany, I went away for 2 weeks…to London. I needed space to think about it all. Think about, is this what it’s all about? Think about, if this is what I wanted out of starting my brand. But while I was away, I got perspective. Taking a step back from everything and focusing on me and what makes me happy, I circled back to why I started Edna. What does it mean to me? What does it stand for? Why did I start?

My reasons for starting was because I wanted a black blazer (which I still don’t have…). I was tired of everything in a plus size being tropical print and bright and the simple black elegant pieces were over $200. I’ve said this so many times, just because I am plus size does not mean I’m made of money or make mass amount of it. I started this brand for myself, but it has turned into so much more than that. I feel like I’ve given people a spot to shop worry free about sizing, style and judging eyes at an affordable price. I’ve created a platform for everyone to come to and feel acceptance and love. My blog has explained that the struggle is real for entrepreneurs and you aren’t alone in any of your struggles. My Instagram promotes self love and motivation Mondays and these might be small and insignificant, but if I can help even one person with all the content I put out. Then, it’s all worth it.

The idea started with me and has transformed into something so much bigger. I found my purpose. With this platform, I can help so many people discover themselves and rediscover their self love.